Lately I am walking around hating everything.
A week ago the rain gods finally took pity on us and sent two days of light rain. One of my favorite things. Except last week, when even that was pissing me off.
While it was raining I kept thinking “Why now? Why not a month ago when the earth desperately needed a drink? Why wait until everything is dead to rain? Thanks for nothing, Mother Earth.”
This weekend, I vowed to turn my garden into something nice to look at, even if I can’t keep anything alive. When I was digging in the dirt I was seething about what a waste of time my summer garden had been and hoping my Autumn garden will not fail as well. And then it hit me: I am angry because time is standing still. We have been stuck in the same season for 6 months. Summer bullied Spring away and now refuses to yield to Autumn. Nothing is changing and it feels like the earth has stopped spinning.
My own little world seems to have gone all wobbly on its axis as well. So many projects I started this year have failed. I did not keep a single new year’s resolution. Opportunities I was really excited about turned into dead-end roads. So much time wasted. I can’t really even call this year a failure, it’s more like a void. This was a year of hard work for me, with very few results.
I know at times like this it is customary to repeat the old mantras of “Life is about the journey, not the destination” and “It’s all part of the adventure” but sometimes the journey just sucks. What happens when the adventure isn’t really an adventure, just a series of disappointments?
Acknowledging that this year has been a disappointment actually helped my outlook. I can’t get back the lost time and energy, but I can acknowledge what didn’t work, like my lasagna garden, and make changes.
The newest backyard incarnation is a colorful rock/bottle garden with a few hardy herbs and root veggies.
I still have a lot of work to do, like weeding the rock garden and maybe planting the lavender instead of keeping it the pots. The blue circle and red triangle are mushroom beds and the tree between them is ginseng. My bottle tree thing is still evolving. My current plan is to let gooseberry plants grow around the frame of the bottle tree, kind of like a lattice.
My most exciting addition to the garden…
A carnivorous plant! This old girl is a pitcher plant and she traps bugs and flying insects in her deep pitchers. There is a nectar in there which attracts the bugs, and then drowns them. If you look closely you can see that one of the pitchers shut its lid, that means she caught something. Get ’em girl!
So it looks like my garden is just about sorted. This makes me feel a little less stuck. Just a little.