The Five Stages of Dating an Italian Man

When I was breaking the news to my friends and family that I was moving to Italy I got a wide variety of responses but the one I enjoyed the most was giggling with my girlfriends about all the gorgeous Italian men waiting for me.  

And there are some gorgeous Italian men, believe me.

But I am an American girl and I am comfortable admitting that I am out of my depth when dealing with Italian men.  In my (very limited) experience, dating an Italian is like staring in your very own soap opera.  Sometimes exciting, but mostly just full of eye-rolling moments.  

Take my most recent Casanova for example:

Stage One: Romantic “meet-cute”

I was wandering around the canal district of Milan looking for a low-key place to grab dinner and maybe a few drinks.  I normally have *very* good luck when picking a restaurant in a new city.  Sometimes it takes a bit of looking, but I pretty much always find the perfect place.  This time I found a blues club down the street from the canal.  When I sat down and saw the menu I knew I had made a mistake but I ordered a drink and an appetizer.  I am not kidding you when I say that this place had the worst food I have eaten my entire time in Italy.  Really, it was the worst.  

I was paying my bill and getting ready to leave when the pair at the next table asked me to join them.  They turned out to to be cousins and the guy was very cute in an older, rugged kind of way.  We talked for a little while and then the cute rugged guy asked me to dance.  There was music, but no one was dancing.  I said yes and before I knew it a party had exploded around us and everyone was dancing.  Pretty freaking cute right?

By the end of the night he had slipped his bracelet onto my wrist and we’d made plans to meet the next day, and then the next weekend, and so on.  

Adorable.

 

Stage Two: Inappropriate Professions of Love

Do you know what is not adorable?  Being told “I Love You” by someone you just met a week earlier.  Kind of makes a mockery of the sentiment, you know?  I would also like to point out that I barely speak enough Italian to make myself understood and he speaks no english, so there is a very real limit to how much we can communicate with each other.  There were no five-hour long conversations about our hopes and dreams.  No deep, soul-baring confessionals.  Just two people stumbling along trying to understand each other.  So when I am being told “Ti amo, Ti voglio bene, and I love you” by this man I have good reason to doubt that he says these things in earnest.  Rather, I get the sense that this is just what you do in a courtship, you say very romantic things that you don’t actually mean, which is the least romantic thing I can think of.

 

Stage Three: The Green-Eyed Monster

On top of the inappropriate professions of love, there are also the rages of jealousy.  When I didn’t answer a text right away I got the passive-aggressive “Excuse me, I can see that you too busy to answer so I won’t bother you anymore” text (in Italian of course, which doesn’t make it anymore charming).  When I told him that I liked him but he was putting too much pressure on me he gave me the cold shoulder, which was the breaking point for me.  

*Please forgive me for getting on my dating soapbox, but I feel like I have to say this: Ladies, if anyone ever tries to emotionally punish you for knowing and maintaining your boundaries RUN AWAY. A man that doesn’t respect your boundaries will always be trouble. *

 

Stage Four: The Dramatic Goodbye

You can see where I am going with this right?

My grasp of Italian is not great, but I am pretty sure he told me that the bracelet he gave me for good luck would now bring me bad luck.  Because we can’t just agree that we are incompatible, right?  Now we have to start handing out curses? 

 

Stage Five: The Post-Drama Overtures 

So, a week goes by and I get a text from the charming Italian.  Do you know what it says?

“Prrrrrrr”

Really.  I have no words.

 

I am sure stuff like this happens with men in every country, but it feels somehow exaggerated here in Italy.  I can fully admit that I have a dramatic streak and I do like a little flair in a relationship, but shenanigans like this make me yearn for the kind of courtships you find in Jane Austen novels.  I could do with a lot more Mr. Darcy and a lot less Casanova right now.  

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 12 Comments

Sono Distrutto

I learned a new Italian saying today: Sono distrutto ~ I am destroyed.  

It is a very dramatic way of saying that you are, well, destroyed.  That’s how I feel right now.  Distrutto.  Not for any particular reason, just life carving away at me until I feel like I am just a shell of an Erica.  

It might be the rain.  It has been raining here for days and days.  The city is flooding and all the yards are turning into little oceans.  Normally I love the rain but this constant gloom is getting to be a bit much.  

Today feels like a day when I should be concentrating on the really good stuff in my life but even that feels like too much work.  I would much rather sit here in my big brown chair and feel sorry for myself.  And maybe eat some ice cream because you can’t have a really great pity party without ice cream, right?

All of this whining is actually reminding me of something really cool I started doing on the first day of the new year…

I read a blog post about gratitude jars (I wish I could remember where I read it so I could link it for you) and I decided to make one myself.  I cleaned out a giant pickle jar and put it on in a conspicuous place in my living room with a pen and pad of paper next to it.  Now, whenever I have something I am grateful for I just jot it down and throw it into the jar.  On New Year’s Eve this year I will spend the day revisiting all of my moments of gratitude for the year 🙂

Image

(Don’t worry, the jar has a lot more scraps in it now, this picture is from the jar’s birthday!)

I hope everyone is having a peaceful evening, but if you are feeling distrutto try to think of at least one good thing you could put in your own gratitude jar today. 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Gettysburg

This gallery contains 23 photos.

Gallery | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Istanbul!

This gallery contains 78 photos.

Gallery | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Photos From My Mid-Day Runs

This gallery contains 20 photos.

Gallery | Tagged , , ,

Wildflowers

My joints have hurt all day.  I have no idea what is going on but I feel like a rickety old man and it is seriously bumming me out.

I thought a long passeggiata (Italian for stroll) would help loosen the joints and maybe clear some clouds from my brain.

I decided to walk down to the next town where there are gobs of wildflowers growing in the ditch.  

DSC_0354

DSC_0356

DSC_0359

Along the way I passed these adorable little bunnies.  Actually, they are not little, they were huge.  These pictures do not do their size justice.

DSC_0362

I love the coloring on the dark bunny.  His front left paw is white, which makes him even cutter but he wouldn’t stick out his leg for the camera.

DSC_0369

Of course I had to pick the wildflowers and cart them back home where I tried to make a nice bouquet.  I originally imagined a large messy bouquet, but no matter what I did it just looked strange so eventually I settled on a nosegay-type of arrangement.  Turns out, wildflowers are not like florist flowers, sometimes they look better in a ditch by the road than on your kitchen counter.  

DSC_0378

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 2 Comments

35 Before 35: Learn to Make Gluten Free Gnocchi

My life just got a helluva lot better; I learned how to make gluten free gnocchi! Incidentally, this was number 20 on my 35 Before 35 List so I am doubly happy!

For those of you not in the know about gnocchi, let me introduce you.  Gnocchi are small potato dumplings boiled and served with any kind of sauce you like. They are best described as small pillows of heaven.

The problem with gnocchi is that the ones you find in restaurants are often laced with wheat flour, which we all know makes my stomach very angry.

Enter Anna, the Italian Mamma.

Anna is a fantastic woman who lives in Tuscany and was in charge of feeding a bunch of hungry women during my yoga retreat last month.  She also gave out lots of hugs and kisses on the head and even Italian cooking lessons, so she is pretty much my favorite person in the world right now.

She invited all of us into her kitchen to watch her cook pasta from scratch and when she mentioned that she would be making gluten-free gnocchi from scratch I just about died from excitement.

So here is how you make amazing gluten-free gnocchi:

First, you boil a bunch of potatoes.  I am sure some varieties are better than others, but we used the small white ones with very thin skins (we don’t get the giant Idaho potatoes ’round these parts) and they were delish.

Anna says you should boil them for about 40 minutes but that will vary depending on how many spuds you have.  Just boil them until they are soft when poked with a fork.

Then you peel them with your hands since the skin slides right off.

Once the potatoes are skinned you put them through a ricer like so:

DSC_0269

Then you add enough eggs to bind the potatoes.  For a large bowl of potatoes we used two eggs.

I would like to draw your attention to two things in the photo below.

One: Can you see how orange the egg yolks are?  Those are eggs fresh from the farm and they are amazing.

Two: I am totally taking credit for the hard work of others in this photo.  The other ladies riced the potatoes while I took pictures, then I tossed my camera to another girl, grabbed the bowl and said “Here, take my picture so it looks like I did this!”  See that smile?  It’s the smile of an impostor.

DSC_0272

After you have mixed the eggs with the potatoes you start throwing in your rice flour (or any other flour you like, wheat flour is the norm).  You want just enough flour to make the dough a little drier than sugar cookie dough.

When the dough is ready you roll it out in long strips.  You want the rolls to be about the circumference of one of your fingers.  If it is too long just chop the roll in half, easy-peasy.

DSC_0281

Here you can see Anna’s hands moving lightening quick as she makes her rolls.  you can also see that she has a giant mound of flour in front of her to toss the gnocci in after she has cut them.

DSC_0300

So once your rolls are as thick as a finger you take a knife or one of those choppy things and chop the roll into little pieces about half an inch long.  Then you toss the little pieces in the flour (to keep them from sticking together) and set them to the side.

DSC_0283

When you are done just drop the first batch into boiling water and wait a few minutes.  Seriously, only a few, like three minutes.

DSC_0306

The gnocchi float when they are done.

Just skim the floaters off the top and dump them in a bowl with a little olive oil.

DSC_0308

Then you serve the gnocchi with whatever sauce you like.  My favorite is a cheese sauce or a basic meat sauce.

Buon Appetito!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Sleep! Now!

It’s 4:30am.  I am awake and very annoyed.

I am not exactly sure why I can’t sleep.

Well, now that I think about it, it might have something to do with the rivers of caffeine I drank before bed.

Anywho, did you know it’s National Singles Week?  Yeah, I don’t get it either.  As a Singleton I can wholeheartedly agree that living alone and answering to no one is pretty freaking sweet, I’m just not sure we need a week of observance.

In unrelated musings, I have decided to dust off my running shoes and start pounding the pavement again.  I stopped running last summer when it was so hot I wanted to get violent, and I just never started up again.  If you remember from my previous adventures, I am not a strong runner, but lately I have been missing it.  Running is so difficult for me that it forces me to focus only on breathing and keeping one foot in front of the other, so it kind of becomes a moving meditation (when I am not muttering profanities about how much it sucks).

It is now almost 5am and I am no closer to sleep.  Time for some Downton Abbey and hard-boiled eggs.

Ciao For Now!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

DIY Diffuser

This month is kind of a lean one for me and I am cutting back on frivolous spending.  And as much as I love scented candles, they are firmly frivolous, at least for August.

No worries though, because I have plenty of old candle jars and some leftover BBQ sticks!  That’s just as good, right?

photo (19)

So, here are the stars of today’s DIY project:

– One empty spice jar
– One empty candle holder
– Seven wooden BBQ sticks
– Essential oil (I used lavandin oil, which is cheaper and more fragrant than lavender)
– Any kind of filler (I used lavandin)

photo (18)

This project is pretty straightforward, essential oil and wooden sticks in the spice jar, spice jar in the candle jar with some filler to make it pretty.

You can skip the candle jar and filler, but I have a kilo of dried lavandin sitting around waiting for a purpose in life, so I gave it one.

photo (17)

And there you go, my loft/study smells amazing and I get the smug satisfaction of a DIY project!

Next I am thinking of cinnamon for the kitchen!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

My New Favorite Thing: Wine Bottle Plant Watering

I managed to kill every single one of my plants this summer.  Except the aloe plant, he is kind of a tough guy.  I am slowly rebuilding my indoor plant garden with mint, basil, marjoram, sage, and oregano and I would really, really like to keep them alive this time.

Enter my new favorite thing: hollow ceramic spikes for continuous watering.

photo (16)

You just stab the ceramic spike down into the soil and the overturn an old wine bottle (filled with water instead of wine, no need to waste good wine) into the spike.  Voila!  The plants are sure to get enough water even if you forget to water them for a week!  I’m crossing my fingers on this one, having dead plants around is seriously getting me down.

photo (15)

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | 4 Comments